Monday 1 April 2002

On the game ...

If you're not a cricket fan, like me you probaly don't understand the first thing about how the blessed game is played. In facy, my limit of sports expertise is confined to knowing the names of various sporting personalities. Of course, as you'd expect, Daniel's good at all kinds of sport and says I'm like the stereotypical gay man who's crap at it. I'm of the opinion, though, what's the use of being queer if you don't hate the damned stuff? And, anyway, I keep fit in far more interesting ways ...

That said, sport has had a large impact on my life – football, rugby and tennis particularly: Jimmy Hill's ex-wife was once my English teacher; Gareth Edwards gave his name to my kid brother; John McEnroe inspires my rebellious nature; and my insatiable sex drive is the result of schoolboy fantasies about absolutely drop-dead-gorgeous David Beckham.

Even I, though, can differentite between one sport and another (well, more or less), which reminds me of something that the legendary motor-racing commentator Murray Walker once said while summing up some or other race: "You might not think that's cricket, and it's not: it's motor racing."